Laurie's Journal

 I learned something this week.  People are people, and perfect they are not.  What I once valued to be true, turned out to be the biggest lie. Where at first I was angry when this lie was exposed to me God gave me understanding.  Taking offense to what others say and do, or to what others not say and do is unwise because the Bible tells us that Jesus didn't put His trust in any man,  He expected mankind to mess up.   Having Bipolar disorder, this concept was strange to me because of the many fears I had of the world. My black and white mentality has conditioned me view things as good and evil.  There are people who are good and people who are evil.  Understanding and wisdom showed me that this is not so.   People have hang ups and most have been raised in the Spirit of the Age and not in Truth.  People's concepts and ideals are of mixed variety where you need an instruction manual in order to get along in the world.  This explains all the self help and how-to books out there (

I did some Spring cleaning yesterday with my cousin because to do it by myself would be overwhelming.  I cannot believe we were tossing magazines from 2014.  It was incredibly freeing. I also Spring cleaned emails, social media accounts and files.  I found some poems I wrote some years ago, and I'm glad I did.   Unearthing creative works I used to enjoy writing made me very happy.   I don't know why I was initially afraid.  Discoveries from your past can be pleasant and sweet, and not necessarily dark and salty.  Maybe I will delve back into my creative writing because I was quite good at it.   I listened to today's devotional and read Psalm 123.  My devotional spoke about surrendering the self, and the Psalm spoke about looking to the Lord for mercy. I think we all need mercy when surrendering ourselves.   As I physically surrendered junk yesterday, I was reminded of my gifts in a gentle merciful way,  God also gave me mercy to have mercy on myself as I surrendered  stuff,

  Spring is here.  A New Season.   My Season.  Buds shyly coming through on the winter-stripped trees.  I shyly come into my own.  I recently started reading my Bible in earnest, instead of grabbing a Scripture here and there like stray leaves in the wind.  My ups were way up and my downs were way down.  Medicine was only numbing the pain into a dull throb.  Therapy was only my sounding board, I want something more.  I started volunteering at my church on my days off from work. Finding purpose. There has to be something else.  I don't know what I am looking for, yearning for... ...maybe I will find it in my work, or in my volunteering. Perhaps. I am being cautiously optimistic, but I hope to drop the "caution" to the wind one day.