Laurie's Journal

 Hey there! Well, it's the last day of April.  Hopefully, it's the last day of rain.  I hate rain. John celebrates 28 years of sobriety today,  I'm so proud of him.  He's being a bit of a pain i the ass about picking out something to wear to his meeting celebration.  That's alright, John's my pain in the ass! Otherwise, it's a pretty lazy day today.  We went to church and I got a lot out of the sermon.  My take away was that we were beggars, and now we are royalty.  What a blessing! I have a new psychiatrist, but I'm a bit nervous about whether or not I'm going to like her.  My medications were also raised due to increased anxiety and depression.  It's been pretty touch and go for the past 3 weeks. I've been calling my mentor several times during that period.  I've also been experiencing physical pain as a result of depression. Anyway, I'm going to watch a movie before the celebration. See you guys soon! I love you.

Hey there. I'm living today.  Nothing special. Have not heard from my bio dad, but it's  ok if I don't.  I did my part. Anyway, I'm praying on writing a devotional for the mentally ill.  My church mentor  is praying on it, too.  The more I think about it, the more it makes sense. Other than having to work today, it's pretty uneventful today.  My eyes are focused Heavenward, and my heart and life are in His hands.  I can't  wait to finally be called home sometimes.  This world is so messed up.   However, life is beautiful with our Comforter, the Holy Spirit and Jesus intervening on our behalf. Keeping my chin up until next time. I love you guys. ;)

 Hey there! Feeling less anxious today.   Today Pastor D spoke about forgiveness in today's devotional.   Forgiveness was a bit difficult for me ever since I was a little girl.  It was about the time I found out that I have a biological father who denied my existence.  I have since forgiven him, but I have yet to call him.  He's 80 years old now.  I found him on Ancestry.com, where I also found two half brothers, one older and one younger.   My one older brother is the best, and we talk on the phone every so often. I have books that I wrote (self-published) that I want to send to him (my brother).  I told him that I'm still gathering the courage to call up our father.   What would I say to him?  I have no idea. Well , I finally took a leap and it turned out to be another wrong number.  I also messaged his wife on Facebook.  I guess I want to prove to myself that I've forgiven my biological father.  It would be interesting in getting to know him.   My stepdad was amazing

 Hey there. Feeling anxious today, but not having a bad day.  My meds were upgraded, so hopefully my new upgrade  will kick into my system soon.   I didn't feel like punching anyone in the nose, so that's good.  ;) I went food shopping today, and tomorrow I will pay some bills.  Today was really uneventful other than watching some Hulu and Netflix. My fave show to binge lately has been Mom , starring Anna Faris.   I am also reading some of my books on Audible, as well as a few of my paperback books I ordered during the pandemic.  Pre-pandemic, I wasn't into Audibles or reading.  When I was a teen I read a lot.  So, I don't know what happened over the years. I also used to write in a diary more often when I was younger.  Well, now I blog my journal entries for the entire world to see in hopes that I'll help somebody else out there. Speaking of when I was younger, I used to also watch soap operas faithfully, Oprah was on the top of my list as one of the hottest talk s

Hey there. I feel pretty good today.  I'm really in a good space.  Nobody has cheesed me off today, so I guess that's a good thing. I'm learning to watch what I say.  I'm also re-learning how to float. Floating is an exercise where you allow anxiety to come, but you "float" your way through it.  It reminds you that control is an illusion, and to hang loosely. Floating is not entirely  letting go, but it loosens your grip. My mentor suggested that I go back to swimming, where I can actually float, and teach myself to relax. Well, see you guys next time. ;) Love you!

 Hey there. ***TRIGGER WARNING*** Yesterday was a bad day for me.   Let's be real.   Anxiety took over, or I allowed it to take over.  I wasn't feeling myself at all.  I called my therapist and my psychiatrist, and then my spiritual leaders. This is how anxiety affects me.   For me, anxiety is a chemical thing where I have my good days and I have my bad days.   Yesterday was one of those bad days.  One where my outlook on life stinks and everything seems to be happening at once.  I get overwhelmed. I took my bedtime meds, and now I feel much better that I got some well deserved rest. Despite how we feel, life happens and will continue to happen.  Sometimes faking it until you make it doesn't work, especially when I feel like I'm carrying the very depths of Hell inside me.  My insides churn while I smile on the outside, so people don't see how I'm really feeling. I received a hug from a friend, and my husband John also gave me a hug.  Hugs from trusted people are

Hi. I'm feeling a little blue today. I often thought that finding your purpose was about looking ahead.  I don't think of it that way so much anymore.  I think finding purpose is about reflecting and saying "a-ha, that's been my purpose all along."  No regrets, no losses or gains, but this is your life.  But you're at peace with that. Maybe not so blue, but reflective.  So why am I crying?  I regret nothing, not even my mistakes. Maybe the peace I have I want to hold onto forever.  I want to hold onto my husband John forever, but one day God's going to call him home.  One day, God's going to call me home. Is this all there is?  Can we get a new purpose?  No matter what age? I want to write this blog right here, right now forever just pouring my heart out to you. Are these happy tears? Grateful tears? I'm re-learning how to pray.  I have always written out my prayers, and then I would check them off and log my answers. I found a binder of them in my

Hey there!   I checked my You Tube account, and Jesus Revolution doesn't drop until April 11th! BOOOOOO!!! I  prayed today begging God to keep people away from me, who speak bad tidings and basic negativity.  It's beginning to make me so ANGRY.  I just want to live my life as I always have: happy, joyous and free.  :) On a positive note, I guess God is using his sandpaper to make me a better person.  He is sending me the sand paper people. Loving God is not so much about being a good person so you can get into Heaven.  It's about a daily progression of learning and understanding better concepts on how to treat ourselves and others.  Walking with God is learning to live by higher standards because this world in and of itself is a depraved place to be.   My senior pastor (RIP) once said that we will never know the depravity God rescued us from.  I have forgotten most of the depravity God rescued me from. My mind has been renewed. Anyway, I have to get ready for Good Friday se

Hey there!  The thing about getting  older is becoming wiser. I learned not to gossip about others a long time ago, but there is the flip side. Learning to tune out gossip is equally important.  Learning to say, "I gotta go." Detaching. Most of my worries and fears come from what I allow into my spirit. I'm too old and too intelligent to carry around old fears triggered by allowing negativity into my ear gates. On a more positive note, I just subscribed to Peacock for only $4.99 (plus tax), and it's an amazing value add to my Hulu and Netflix.  Also, my pre-ordered Jesus Revolution movie just dropped into my YouTube.   I think I will do some tidying up before watching my movie. Totes excited!  I've been waiting for this movie to come out.  Well, bye for now. ;)

 Hey readers! How's your April 2023 going? Writing to tell you what's up.  I bought this whipped sugar scrub called My Beauty Spot in watermelon with mint scent.  I sells for about $5.00 retail, and it's AMAZING!!!  I did my usual facial routine of washing, exfoliating and moisturizing.  I looked in the mirror and I must look no more than 35 years old.  My skin feels refreshed and invigorated.   Needless to say, I am happy with this product, and I will implement it with my normal routine. Here is the link to shop online .  I just ordered 4 more scrubs!  Get them while supplies last! I read an article somewhere that you should always care for your skin, but as early as in your 30s and 40s washing, exfoliating and moisturizing is a most essential routine.  As far as aging is concerned, I don't sweat it.  Age is just a number, as the saying goes.  I'm going on my 53rd year on this beautiful earth and I will transpose the number to 35!   My mental health was somewhat go

 Happy April 1st!  It's April Fool's Day, but for me it's April Wise Day.  This will be my month for learning and wisdom.  As I said before it's the first of God's several blessings.   My husband John and I will be planning our vacation this month with my cousins, who live out in Washington state.  I would like for it to be my birthday week in July, but we all have to discuss.  So I guess we'll see.   I cannot believe that I'm going to be 53 this year.  It seemed like only yesterday I was 23  or 33 or even 43.  I',m not like most people, I like getting older.  We subscribe to AARP magazine, and I'm totally cool with that.  I am a proud member of the Generation X club, born in 1970 and a teen in the 1980s.  I have great skin with no wrinkles.  My secret?  St. Ives Collagen and Elastin lotion or Pond's cold cream.  I've been using St Ives since I was 15 years old, and it is great!   I just arrived home from work and I'm more hungry than tir