Saturday, April 8, 2023

-
Hi.

I'm feeling a little blue today.

I often thought that finding your purpose was about looking ahead.  I don't think of it that way so much anymore.  I think finding purpose is about reflecting and saying "a-ha, that's been my purpose all along."  No regrets, no losses or gains, but this is your life.  But you're at peace with that.

Maybe not so blue, but reflective.  So why am I crying?  I regret nothing, not even my mistakes. Maybe the peace I have I want to hold onto forever.  I want to hold onto my husband John forever, but one day God's going to call him home.  One day, God's going to call me home.

Is this all there is?  Can we get a new purpose?  No matter what age?

I want to write this blog right here, right now forever just pouring my heart out to you.

Are these happy tears? Grateful tears?

I'm re-learning how to pray.  I have always written out my prayers, and then I would check them off and log my answers. I found a binder of them in my closet while I was Spring cleaning.  I also dug out a book called "Prayers That Avail Much."  It's written by Germaine Copeland.It was given to me back in 2018 by a really wonderful friend and SIster in God. I will love her forever.

Anyway, I'll  be working on reintegrating my prayer life.

Well, that's  all for now. Love you. ;)



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Monday, July 24, 2023

-
 Hey there! Wow, this month has been a whirlwind of my former friends depression and fear!  I couldn't log anymore entries this month because I was severely depressed.  Then I realized the root of my depression.  I came to believe that it was the constant streaming of different channels.  I was becoming addicted to them hoping to distract myself from my moods.   While I think streaming is convenient and awesome, I was abusing it to lift my moods. The time I could have spent writing my book or blogging I instead spent on entertaining fears and depression.   I'm holding off on my book and Web site in lieu of getting-out-of-my comfort zone activities, like getting out of bed during the day to pray for God's will in my life.   When I hear His answers, I will resume less important activities. I might even reconsider going back to my streaming TV, but I want to be in a better space to do so. I reduced my watching to only one channel and m...
Read more

Monday, September 16, 2024

-
I don't have many early recollections of mental illness that I could put into words.  I had these profound memories of weirdness, yes, that's what I would call them.  It was like every once in a while getting a shot in the arm with a serum of misunderstood feelings that needed to be untangled later on. Before I knew about the real gravity of depression, I got depressed. I felt depressed. Before I knew the definition of derealization, I experienced it.  I felt myself observing my life in third person.  I was fascinated by my own existence, but from the outside looking in. I dissociated before my therapist explained to me about the behavior. I felt a complete disconnect, sometimes in spurts, and then other times longer.
Read more

Monday, December 2, 2024

-
 Happy December! There is much to unpack here as there have been some new developments in my life this past November.  Let's just say that  I will have so much more to add to I Dream of Purple Skies , my book of memoirs and poetry.  It's going to be a book that is so much more than living and coping with mental illness and how I observe our fallen world through a mentally ill lens.  It's going to be a book about recovery, redemption and coming full circle.  It's going to be a book about intrigue and healing as I have begun slowly uncovering the lies I was told growing up about mental illness and distorted images I was given about my life. This book is going to be mostly about learning to love unconditionally and learning how to forgive human foibles in order to walk into a better, brighter and healthier future no matter what your age. You will notice on my Facebook page how I use it as a cathartic tool in dealing with my mental illness with an edgy sarcasm ...
Read more